Friday, October 31, 2008

What do you think you're doing?!

I am one of those crazies who talk in their sleep and have real conversations with people. For the most part Chuckles finds this amusing…except of course when I yell at him, which is what happens, oh, I don’t know, maybe 99% of the time.

Usually what happens is after I have fallen into a deep sleep, which takes me all of five seconds, Chuckles will move slightly and I will respond by doing one of two things. I will either shout at him, “What do you think you’re doing?!” to which he responds, “NOTHING!” You know it really isn’t nice of me to yell at him for nothing and yet I continue to yell at him – usually some lecture about how lying is bad and how don’t think for a second I believe him and his “nothing” excuse…oh yeah, he’s up to something.

Or I’ll see something that isn’t there. Sometimes it’s a bug, which I will insist is there, and I either have to get up and get a closer look or Chuckles needs to get up and KILL IT NOW. Don’t ever question me when this happens because it will just get me unnecessarily upset. Just let me look at it. Chuckles doesn’t understand this. He has to insist that I’m dreaming. If he would just let me turn the light on I would figure it out for myself. Instead it always ends in an argument because apparently people who are trying to sleep don’t like having the light on. Losers.

Or I’ll see somebody else in the room and will scream bloody murder and hurry to use Chuckles as a barrier for the knife stabbing that is imminent. Instead of comforting me he just pushes me away telling me to keep quiet, but to his credit I do do this a lot. Then there was the time I thought there was another girl in bed with us. That was NOT PRETTY. That started with my usual question: “What do you think you’re doing?” Chuckles insisted I was sleeping which just pissed me off more. Unfortunately, it didn’t help that Chuckles was laughing the whole time saying things like, “There’s another girl in the bed? Where? How could I be unaware of this? Is she hot?” So I forced to yell at him, “This is NOT a laughing matter do you WANT to get kicked in the balls?” I think he was laughing too hard to hear me though.

It’s always an adventure going to bed with me – not in that way you dirty dirty birdies – I mean you never know what I will do in the middle of the night. Sometimes we’ll get into long conversations which leave me extremely frustrated because Chuckles always has no idea what I’m talking about and those conversations always end with my yelling at him to stop pretending he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and to stop acting so stupid, you stupid dummy.

But, if you ask me, none of this compares to my little brother who has been known to get up in the middle of the night and take down all the pictures and put them all in the bathroom. Yeah, I know. He’s a real Crazy.

18 comments:

Gretchen said...

Supposedly one of my friends was sleep talking/walking one night and ended up at a neighbor's house, asking for a squegee. I hope it's true, 'cause it's an awesome story.

Dingo said...

Are you as violent when you are drunk as you are when you are talking in your sleep? Maybe Chuckles refuses to turn on the lights so you won't be able to see him clearly enough to kick him in the balls!

Elizabeth said...

Wowza. I don't think I have done anything in my sleep in a while, but I can't hear at night without my hearing aid, and neither can Eric, so who knows. I have been known to walk out of hotel rooms dead asleep though!

stoogepie said...

I have heard from no fewer than six very reliable sources that sleeptalkers are firecrackers in bed. When they are awake, I mean. But you prove it's even true when you are asleep!

rs27 said...

I'm a tosser and turner in bed. Hence no one will sleep with me.

Actually there are more reasons.

Rachie said...

Teeheehee! I actually had a boyfriend in middle school that would sleep walk and would always end up outside, locked out of the house. He would wake everyone in his family up by ringing the door bell once he woke up and realized what had happen. I'm glad I broke up with him before we were old enough to start sleeping together. I think I might have killed him.

Jay said...

I regularly jump out of bed or seek refuge under the covers in real life, from the giant spiders that haunt my dreams. No bueno.

Jessica said...

omg does your brother really do that? lol

this girl said...

i'm good at having conversations with sleep talkers..my ex is one, it's fun...:)

Kez said...

HAHAHA I've been known to yell swear words in my sleep like a cute, sleeping tourettes sufferer...and the hubby tries to tell jokes in jibberish and then laughs himself stupid - sometimes i only wake up to hear the punchline "And it was UNDER THE TABLE!!! HA HA HA HA" - so cute!
But you are on a whole new level! wow! Funny :)
I'm a tad worried about your subconscious though...

Tits McGee said...

Apparently in college I talked in my sleep- in Japanese. WEIRD! This is all according to Stephanie.

WeightingGame said...

oh, I always crack up when my husband talks in my sleep -he says some funny stuff. I try to remember it to tell him the next day but always forget. Last month, I woke myself up laughing hysterically and it woke him up and then we couldn't fall asleep b/c even once I'd fully woken, I could not stop!

Kristen said...

That's it.

I know I said I would sleep with you but I'm not going to anymore.

You're dangerous.

stealthnerd said...

Haha that's awesome! Way better than simple cover-stealing!

Kate said...

Have you ever tape recorded yourself? I hear that's quite amusing!

Matt said...

Kicking a guy in the balls is not fair game...

it's unnecessary and should be illegal.

surviving myself said...

Your brother scares me.

Andy said...

(Hi! I kind of wanted to read your blog for quite some time now, and now I realize you started all over again... I hope to come back soon!)

I can't stay still while sleeping, so I get kind of anooying anyway...