Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm tired of douchebags flipping me the bird constantly

Lately there have been several incidents of other drivers getting very angry with me while I’m driving. It was happening so often that I was really starting to believe that I was a bad driver, which I’m NOT despite what other people might tell you. Don’t listen to them they’re lying!

For sure the past couple times that people have gotten all pissy at me it has not been my fault and I became absolutely positive of it last night.

The first incident of road rage was when I was almost home from work and went to change lanes (with my blinker ON) and some guy three cars back changed lanes at the same time and stepped on his gas pedal despite the fact that there was a red light not that far ahead and he came so close to hitting me he had to go up on the curb to avoid it. Of course his response was to tailgate me until he could get next to me and then drive along next to me whilst giving me the stink eye, the bird, and some other very inappropriate gestures for, oh, I don’t know, ten minutes. I was a bit worried that he was going to follow me home. Not my fault he stepped on his gas without looking if anyone was in front of him!

The second time somebody completely lost their temper with me was on 100th in Kirkland when it goes from two lanes down to one. I let one person in as road etiquette requires. Hello?! People are supposed to alternate – every car lets one car in. Well, some douchebag SUV thought he could squeeze in in front of me and I was having none of it. Of course, he had plenty of room to merge behind me and then decided to follow me all the way to Edmonds while, I shit you not, giving me the bird the entire way.

Now some of you probably have no idea what I’m talking about when I say he followed me all the way to Edmonds so let’s just say I was, once again, scared that some crazy was following me home to get his revenge.

So what happened last night to convince me that I’m not the crazy one other than the fact that I was able to refrain from hitting the asswipe in front of me at Starbucks with my umbrella? I saw the same douchebaggie SUV do it to somebody else! That’s right, some other poor victim made the poor decision to only let one car in, but stopped at letting the SUV merge so he tailgated them while giving them the bird and I was lucky enough to have been the one who let him in so I saw it all unfold.

I used to feel sorry for people that had road rage because I figured they must be really unhappy people to flip the fuck out just because somebody cut them off or wouldn’t let them merge, but I’m not such a nice person any more. Now I just get angry right back. What’s your worst road rage story? Have you ever pulled a gun on anyone? You can admit it – I probably would have by now, it’s just that I don’t keep my gun in the car.


Bayjb said...

I can't help but get road rage when people flip me off. I can't help it, honestly. That's just so uncalled for though, I mean what would seriously PROMPT someone to do that.

Dingo said...

You should carry one of those cigarette lighters that looks like a grenade. Then pull up next to the Douchebag SUV (sounds like a Law & Order series, doesn't it?), roll down your window, and toss it under the SUV. Okay, maybe not but I just can't help giggling at the mental image of Doucegag: SUV (ripped from today's headlines) face if that happened!

stoogepie said...

First of all, I admit that I should not have followed you all the way to Edmonds the other day.

I am usually the road rager and not the road ragee. That's because I hate the idea that other people use the road at all when I am trying to get somewhere. And it's usually somewhere very important, like the zoo. When you need to go to the zoo, you need to go really, really bad.

Also, driving etiquette is for other people. Like that douchebag in the prius. You know the one I'm talking about.

Anyways, I once was behind some old dude who was driving so slow that other old dudes on the sidewalk were passing us in their scooters. I got so pissed at him that I finally weaved into oncoming traffic to pass him, just as a police car was headed toward me in oncoming traffic. I narrowly avoided slamming into the police car and making roast pork all over the street. And, of course, the cops then flip on their sirens and make a U-turn to pull me over. So, I did what any good citizen would do: I slammed on the gas to outrun them. And I did. I went a few blocks and then made a screeching turn down a side street. There must have been donuts or truffle mushrooms around that distracted them at just that moment, because I watched with glee as they missed the turn, going straight at about 80-miles per hour. And I probably did have drugs in the car, too. And maybe the car was stolen. I can't remember.

I have never pulled a gun on anyone while driving. And not pulled the trigger. That's all I have to say about that.

stealthnerd said...

oh wow, I have too many bad road rage stories to list even half of them. I hate other drivers. Look, dude, I'm sorry you bought an SUV that is too big for you to handle and that you have to talk on your cell phone while "driving" it and that you didn't see that my car (and the dozens of others) was on the road.

I think it's probably for the best that I am w/o car these days.

rs27 said...

Did you get the thumbs down? thats the ultimate sign of direspect.

Megkathleen said...

Bayjb - That's what I always think! To be the type of person to flip off other drivers - I just think they must be really nasty.

Dingo - Of course! I think I'll just buy a bag of fake grenades just for my car for these situations.

Stoogepie - I understand how you feel. Edmonds is known as the community for the nearly dead so I am dealing with old drivers all the time. I have yet to outrun a cop, but now that I know you were successful I'll try it next time.

Stealthnerd - Oh man, when it's a driver in an SUV on the phone, I lose it. Completely. that's a case when it's good I don't own a gun.

rs27 - Yes, that's what I meant when I said "very inappropriate gesture".

Kristen said...

I have ordered a flame thrower for the hood of my car.

I will get one for you too.

PS: I never want to drive with stoogepie.

SS+1 said...

I'm convinced the entire driving population need to be:
a) on ridalin
b) retested
or c) all of the above!

So@24 said...

The trick is to roll down your window, have a HUGE shit eating grin on your face and give them a thumbs up.

I do it all the time. It pisses them off WAY more.