Monday, October 6, 2008

I want a new liver for Christmas

I am in a total funk today for some reason. It could be that it’s Monday with no days off in the near future. But while Mondays normally aren’t the greatest they don’t usually bug me this much. I think it might be the fact that I did not have any coffee this morning. None. Zilch.

As a result of this it is probably a good idea that people avoid talking to me at all costs. I’m going to put a sign up on my office door that says, “Enter at your own risk. There is a 95% chance you’ll get your head bitten off.”

Even little things like my highlighter running out of ink is making me pissy. I might have just chucked it out of my office and it might have hit somebody in the head. I’m sure my coworkers enjoy working with me. But really I should be ecstatic because my fantasy football team is winning and I’m playing the number one player in the league. And, yet, if one more person runs by my office like their ass is on fire I’m afraid I will end up pulling my hair out, which could only make my day worse because I really don’t want the whole patchy hair look.

So because I know people don’t want to hear about what a funk I’m in and really I could go on and on about it, but instead of doing that I took a Sparks test. Remember those? I used to take them over and over again in college. I was such a good student.

Anyways, since I am convinced I am dying I thought the death test would be appropriate to see if I really am…because I believe everything the internets tell me. Annnyyywaaayy, it appears that I am going to die at the ripe old age of 44 on October 28th. Also, I will die from alcoholism. Shocking! No, really, it is shocking because I did answer yes when they asked me if I have the black plague. I figured it was apt enough since I have something and I really don’t know what it is and tapeworm wasn’t an option. Soooo….I’ve got 18 years to live. Now I’m in even more of a funk since I’ve already reached the halfway point.

11 comments:

stealthnerd said...

It's Monday. I think Starbucks is allowed. Just grab your purse and jet. And if anyone asks where you are going, show them the guy with the highlighter embedded in his skull--no one else will ask.

So@24 said...

Sparks test!

OH MAN!

So old school, but SO good! Thank you for bringing me back

Elizabeth said...

I used to love those! Sorry about the crappy day. At least Friday is only 4 days off...you'll be able to drink away the sorrows again then.

heatherdc said...

Hmm....never takin a "Sparks" test, which obviously means there goes the rest of my night. Cause I have to go check it out now, I'm intrigued.

Dingo said...

You know, I had planned on being friends for a long, long time. I don't know if I want to invest in this relationship if you are just going to kick the bucket in 18 years.

Bayjb said...

Ouch someone is a little fussy. It's okay though, we're all fussy sometimes. I'm not a coffee drinker but it's a sign if you see me with one that I could kill at any second.

Narm said...

Wow - so you are going to kick-it before you get to the wrinkly years AND you are going to party hard on the way.

surviving myself said...

I've never heard of this "sparks test." Does that mean I'm going to die soon?

Kristen said...

You poor thing. You're having a mid life crisis.

Fuck it.

After a couple of martinis you won't care anymore.

Matt said...

Dont worry- we all have off days.

Sparks is a dirty F*cking liar...I wasnt happy with that test

ivestress said...

Another woman that plays fantasy football?!?! I'm always looking for women to join my all-women and coed leagues! This is the first time I've read your blog (directed here via Delicious Design) and I already LOVE YOU. Plus, I don't hate you for being racist. Promise.

P.S. I suck at updating my own blog, but I'm an expert at reading my favorites and commenting.