Worst pickup line EVAH!

I had several requests for more details regarding the worst pickup line I ever received. Now the back story is somewhat long, but I’ll try to get to the point quickly. As I mentioned the pickup line was delivered by a classmate in college. I had started out as a Chemistry major and then made the switch to Chemical Engineering with the promise of more money when I graduated. I, of course, had no idea going into it that Chemical Engineering students hated Chemistry students…well, actually, they hated anybody that wasn’t chemical engineering because they were “stupid”. Seriously, they even made t-shirts. Needless to say, I was too stupid for anybody to actually take the time to talk to so I was pretty much blackballed in the program. Group projects? I always ended up by myself. They were serious assholes and the leader of the group, we’ll call him “Douchebag” was the worst.

The worst class I had to take while in the program was called Transport Phenomena and I couldn’t even tell you what the hell it was about. By far the professor for that class was the worst professor I have ever had. Nobody else can even compare.

For the first two weeks I couldn’t even tell if she was a man or a woman. In fact, later in the year my roommates and I were out to dinner and she was at the table next to us and when I told my roommate who she was I shit you not her reply was, “That was a WOMAN?!”

Soooo, anyway, the only person whose questions she would answer was Douchebag’s. If I ever asked for help all I got was, “You’re not trying hard enough.” This is also the story of how I became a boozeholic in college.

See how this story never seems to end…sorry about that…so I did have two friends in the program who were graduate students and didn’t get the memo about how they were supposed to give me the silent treatment and we used to sit around and complain about this class non stop, which usually meant joking about how Douchebag HAD to be paying for his A with sexual favors.

One night when we were out drinking and making plenty of inappropriate jokes about the prof, Douchebag, who was at the same bar, sidled up to me having overheard our jokes and whispered in my ear: “I bet she would want to have sex with you…because I really do….want to have sex with you.” Nice. After months of being the BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER he decides to make the move. Classy. Anyway, I laughed so hard I fell off the bar stool.

I'm tired of douchebags flipping me the bird constantly

Lately there have been several incidents of other drivers getting very angry with me while I’m driving. It was happening so often that I was really starting to believe that I was a bad driver, which I’m NOT despite what other people might tell you. Don’t listen to them they’re lying!

For sure the past couple times that people have gotten all pissy at me it has not been my fault and I became absolutely positive of it last night.

The first incident of road rage was when I was almost home from work and went to change lanes (with my blinker ON) and some guy three cars back changed lanes at the same time and stepped on his gas pedal despite the fact that there was a red light not that far ahead and he came so close to hitting me he had to go up on the curb to avoid it. Of course his response was to tailgate me until he could get next to me and then drive along next to me whilst giving me the stink eye, the bird, and some other very inappropriate gestures for, oh, I don’t know, ten minutes. I was a bit worried that he was going to follow me home. Not my fault he stepped on his gas without looking if anyone was in front of him!

The second time somebody completely lost their temper with me was on 100th in Kirkland when it goes from two lanes down to one. I let one person in as road etiquette requires. Hello?! People are supposed to alternate – every car lets one car in. Well, some douchebag SUV thought he could squeeze in in front of me and I was having none of it. Of course, he had plenty of room to merge behind me and then decided to follow me all the way to Edmonds while, I shit you not, giving me the bird the entire way.

Now some of you probably have no idea what I’m talking about when I say he followed me all the way to Edmonds so let’s just say I was, once again, scared that some crazy was following me home to get his revenge.

So what happened last night to convince me that I’m not the crazy one other than the fact that I was able to refrain from hitting the asswipe in front of me at Starbucks with my umbrella? I saw the same douchebaggie SUV do it to somebody else! That’s right, some other poor victim made the poor decision to only let one car in, but stopped at letting the SUV merge so he tailgated them while giving them the bird and I was lucky enough to have been the one who let him in so I saw it all unfold.

I used to feel sorry for people that had road rage because I figured they must be really unhappy people to flip the fuck out just because somebody cut them off or wouldn’t let them merge, but I’m not such a nice person any more. Now I just get angry right back. What’s your worst road rage story? Have you ever pulled a gun on anyone? You can admit it – I probably would have by now, it’s just that I don’t keep my gun in the car.