I had several requests for more details regarding the worst pickup line I ever received. Now the back story is somewhat long, but I’ll try to get to the point quickly. As I mentioned the pickup line was delivered by a classmate in college. I had started out as a Chemistry major and then made the switch to Chemical Engineering with the promise of more money when I graduated. I, of course, had no idea going into it that Chemical Engineering students hated Chemistry students…well, actually, they hated anybody that wasn’t chemical engineering because they were “stupid”. Seriously, they even made t-shirts. Needless to say, I was too stupid for anybody to actually take the time to talk to so I was pretty much blackballed in the program. Group projects? I always ended up by myself. They were serious assholes and the leader of the group, we’ll call him “Douchebag” was the worst.
The worst class I had to take while in the program was called Transport Phenomena and I couldn’t even tell you what the hell it was about. By far the professor for that class was the worst professor I have ever had. Nobody else can even compare.
For the first two weeks I couldn’t even tell if she was a man or a woman. In fact, later in the year my roommates and I were out to dinner and she was at the table next to us and when I told my roommate who she was I shit you not her reply was, “That was a WOMAN?!”
Soooo, anyway, the only person whose questions she would answer was Douchebag’s. If I ever asked for help all I got was, “You’re not trying hard enough.” This is also the story of how I became a boozeholic in college.
See how this story never seems to end…sorry about that…so I did have two friends in the program who were graduate students and didn’t get the memo about how they were supposed to give me the silent treatment and we used to sit around and complain about this class non stop, which usually meant joking about how Douchebag HAD to be paying for his A with sexual favors.
One night when we were out drinking and making plenty of inappropriate jokes about the prof, Douchebag, who was at the same bar, sidled up to me having overheard our jokes and whispered in my ear: “I bet she would want to have sex with you…because I really do….want to have sex with you.” Nice. After months of being the BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER he decides to make the move. Classy. Anyway, I laughed so hard I fell off the bar stool.