Monday, February 16, 2009

Worst pickup line EVAH!

I had several requests for more details regarding the worst pickup line I ever received. Now the back story is somewhat long, but I’ll try to get to the point quickly. As I mentioned the pickup line was delivered by a classmate in college. I had started out as a Chemistry major and then made the switch to Chemical Engineering with the promise of more money when I graduated. I, of course, had no idea going into it that Chemical Engineering students hated Chemistry students…well, actually, they hated anybody that wasn’t chemical engineering because they were “stupid”. Seriously, they even made t-shirts. Needless to say, I was too stupid for anybody to actually take the time to talk to so I was pretty much blackballed in the program. Group projects? I always ended up by myself. They were serious assholes and the leader of the group, we’ll call him “Douchebag” was the worst.

The worst class I had to take while in the program was called Transport Phenomena and I couldn’t even tell you what the hell it was about. By far the professor for that class was the worst professor I have ever had. Nobody else can even compare.

For the first two weeks I couldn’t even tell if she was a man or a woman. In fact, later in the year my roommates and I were out to dinner and she was at the table next to us and when I told my roommate who she was I shit you not her reply was, “That was a WOMAN?!”

Soooo, anyway, the only person whose questions she would answer was Douchebag’s. If I ever asked for help all I got was, “You’re not trying hard enough.” This is also the story of how I became a boozeholic in college.

See how this story never seems to end…sorry about that…so I did have two friends in the program who were graduate students and didn’t get the memo about how they were supposed to give me the silent treatment and we used to sit around and complain about this class non stop, which usually meant joking about how Douchebag HAD to be paying for his A with sexual favors.

One night when we were out drinking and making plenty of inappropriate jokes about the prof, Douchebag, who was at the same bar, sidled up to me having overheard our jokes and whispered in my ear: “I bet she would want to have sex with you…because I really do….want to have sex with you.” Nice. After months of being the BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER he decides to make the move. Classy. Anyway, I laughed so hard I fell off the bar stool.

24 comments:

amindinmotown said...

Hahahaha. Nothing like being direct, huh?

notsojenny said...

umm, yah... " i want to have sex with you" is pretty bad

Dingo said...

And? Did you follow his advice? Did you get the A?

Megkathleen said...

amindinmotown - I know! He was nothing if not blunt.

notsojenny - He wasn't what you would call "smooth".

Dingo - Nah, I dropped the class and changed my major to psychology, which is why I'm not rich...

Matt said...

I cant believe you didnt jump his bones right then and there!

rs27 said...

I'm going to try this.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Oh that stupid things that drunk men say!

Jane said...

Ew... Just ew. He deserves to be single to this day for that one.

Maxie said...

um how fucking random! at least he was to the point hahaha

Megkathleen said...

Matt - It was difficult, but I have strong willpower.

rs27 - Let me know how it goes!

The Dutchess - I know! They never seem to learn.

Jane - I seriously hope he is.

Maxie - True! There was definitely no cheesedick factor to it.

Kez said...

Hahaha what a loser!

heatherdc said...

haha, well ....that's like the extended version of "Nice shoes, wanna F*ck?"

classy guy right there. obviously. ;)

Bayjb said...

OMG who says that????? The balls on that guy are insane. I would have punched him.

Megkathleen said...

Kez - In every sense of the word!

Heather - I think he was even too drunk to come up with that one.

Bayjb - I was laughing too hard to be able to punch anyone. Plus I got a better revenge - I told everyone what he said.

PunkyBean said...

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner! Seriously, what a tool!

surviving myself said...

You really fell off? I wonder if that deterred him or not.

Jay said...

I now have a new hero in my quest to be the world's biggest ass.

dmb5_libra said...

classy! sounds like something an exchange student would say that has a poor grasp on the english language....

emmysuh said...

You said yes, of course?

Megkathleen said...

Punkybean - Yes! I love winning.

Survivingmyself - Of course not. I fell off very sexily - he only wanted me more after that.

Jay - Good luck! It will be quite a challenge.

dmb5_libra - Unfortunately, for him he was not an exchange student.

Emmysuh - Who would say no?!

Kristen said...

You know what's really so sad?

It probably would have worked on me. I probably would have thought it was sweet.

Now who's STUPID?

That would be ME.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Wow, now that's Klassy

Elizabeth said...

Hah! Love it--sounds like a creeper! I don't think I would have been able to maintain any sense of composure at all either!

Andy said...

Say whaaat' He really said that?? Well, you shoud've called him SUPERDouchebag