Friday, February 6, 2009

My new business plan

I’m sure everybody’s heard of the woman who has 14 children and how she doesn’t have a job and all were conceived through IVF. I’m sure everybody has plenty to say about how “irresponsible” she is and how her doctor is “unethical”.

Blah blah blah is what I say. I, for one, think she is a genius. Last night at my book club one of the members pointed out that this woman probably had these kids in the hope of getting a TV deal and I am very upset that I did not think of this first. I have been wasting my time working hard and going to school at night all in the hopes of one day having a modest career.

Now that I have missed out on this opportunity of getting rich by having fourteen kids I need another angle. Luckily, I have smart friends and they came up with the angle for me. So here’s my plan: I am going to quit school and get pregnant with octuplets, but the key is that I don’t realize it until I’m in labor. Then I will have eight kids and it will be a COMPLETE surprise.

How is this possible you ask? First off it runs in the family. My mom didn’t know she was pregnant with my little brother until she was eight months along and I’ll just tell Oprah how I inherited my mom’s talent for denial.

Second, there is also a history of thyroid problems in my family. In fact, I am pretty much the only one in the fam that hasn’t had a problem with my thyroid yet and that includes the cat. Soooo I’ll just tell Babwa how I thought I put all the weight on because my thyroid wasn’t doing its damn job.

Really I think it’s the best plan I’ve got given the economy. If you promise not to spill my secret plan to the media I’ll let you hang out at the house TLC will surely buy me – we can have Wii competitions and play drinking games while the nanny watches the kids.

23 comments:

Narm said...

Reason #237 why reality TV has ruined the world.

Dingo said...

I think it would be so cool if each of your Octoplets was of different race/nationality. You could have your own UN!

surviving myself said...

I am so coming over. I can't wait to be on TLC!

PunkyBean said...

You have quite the diabolical plan, I think that maybe you're an evil genius!

BEAUTIFUL POST! Love it! I also love that we both mentioned Oprah in our posts today! She's got a hold of the world, that lady...

Liam said...

Yeah when the McCoy (or however you spell it) septuplets were born they got a TON of shit given to them... giant van... new house... lifetime supply of diapers...

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

You have to find a doctor to tell you that it's a tumor.

random moments said...

I'm totally behind you on this, 100%. (As long as I never have to babysit.)

Now, what to wear on TLC...

amindinmotown said...

I am soooo coming over. But you better practice your Wii skills. I'm pretty bad ass.

Megkathleen said...

Narm - You're just jealous that I came up with it first.

Dingo - Of course! I would be like Brangelina. If they can do it why not me?

Survivingmyself - It'll be awesome! We can play a game of who can offend the most people.

Punkybean - Damn that Oprah. How did a talk show host get to be so powerful?

Liam - Yes, a giant van is exactly what I want.

Dutchess of Kickball - How did I not think of that one myself? It's PERFECT.

Random moments - I would never make you babysit. I'll have a team of nannies for that.

Amindinmotown - You will undoubtably kick my ass at wii, but I will win at the drinking games.

Chris said...

Thinking a bit further out of the box, I think if you gave birth to a litter of kittens, that might be the little niche that would entice TLC and possibly Animal Planet to pay the big bucks. Perhaps they will engage in a bidding war.

notsojenny said...

i think the "i have a shit load of kids" tv shows are played out. j*K+8 is awesome but the rest pretty much blow. i don't think she's getting a tv deal at all. however she did get on the Today show but she was interviewed by the B list (even though i love ann curry). if you can't even rub matt lauer's balding head is it really worth it??

rs27 said...

If you had 35 kids it would be a great story.

I would watch, but not give you any money.

I stink.

Elizabeth said...

I am with the commenter above--why stop at 8? Seriously--obviously any woman can do that. No. What you need to do is turn into a man, then have a baby. Brilliant, right. Oh wait...someone did do that already. What a world...

Jay said...

Aside from the Wii competitions, we'll also be able to enjoy the daily parade that marches out of your vagina. Good times indeed.

Kez said...

Well formulated, my friend.

Classy in Philadelphia said...

Hehehehehe, this made me giggle.

Ally said...

Ugh. That woman is totally going to get on Oprah, isn't she?

Andy said...

Your brother comment... Was that true?

Or am I the only one that doesn't get the sarcasm in there?

Bayjb said...

That is an intriguing business plan, but even with all that money and book deals, you still have that many kids. Even help won't change that.

Matt said...

I think its pure genius.

You could live off the govt until they turn 18.

chances are, one of these kids will become rich...

so you might not never have to work! FTW!

Kristen said...

I think this is genius and I'm pissed off I didn't think of it sooner.

Good luck and God speed!

PS: Can I come over when the TV crews are there? I can be your alcoholic babysitter.

stealthnerd said...

How very Duggar of you! Can I come over and play Wii?

Scandalous Housewife said...

Why don't you film your kids acting all crazy and shit and ripping the house apart and send it to ABC's 'The Nanny'!