Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tips to Beat Holiday Stress

I saw an article this morning on MSN titled Tips to Beat Holiday Stress. I, of course, clicked on it hoping to be given the secret to getting everything done in time without going apeshit at any point (I’m looking for a legal solution here. – no crack cocaine for this girl). I am always stressed around the holiday season. I most likely get it from my mom either that or I ask way too much of myself during the holidays.

I love Christmas, LOVE IT, but there’re certain things that make Christmas perfect like tons and tons of Christmas cookies, the perfect gift for everybody, and the biggest bestest birthday bash for yours truly. So not only do I have tons of shopping, baking, and, planning to do, but I also have finals to contend with…oh and I’ll be out of town two of the weekends prior to Christmas, but my mom has told me I am not allowed to complain about that.

Anyway, my point is how could I not click on this article? I admit I was hoping for a miracle solution…like maybe they knew how Zach Morris was able to stop time on Saved By The Bell. Let me tell you if I had that power I would not spend that precious time talking to the camera that follows me around all the time.

This article was quite the letdown though – it spent most of the time telling me why I’m stressed, really, though, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that one out. But there were hardly any tips, as I skimmed it I saw only one: have a potluck instead of cooking the whole dinner by yourself. Are you kidding me?! You do NOT want to get me started about how much I hate hate hate potlucks. So, since this article was so completely the opposite of helpful I thought I would come up with some tips of my own to help people out that might be in the same predicament that I am in, aka easily overwhelmed.

First: Drink a lot. As Homer says, “It is the solution to all of life’s problems…and the cause.” Just ignore that last part. It really helps if you have to go to that company Christmas party (just be sure to leave before you feel like it would be appropriate for you to start removing items of clothing). It improves your acting ability when having to pretend you like a present: “Wow, this is the PERFECT nightgown! I couldn’t have found a more PERFECT one!” I might overdo it sometimes. Or it might decrease your acting ability, but don’t worry that just increases other people’s enjoyment. It also allows you to pass out when family drama gets beyond the point of entertaining.

Second: Hit someone. Preferably somebody that can’t hit back, because having a black eye is not good for de-stressing – it only works when giving them to somebody else.

Third: Call in sick for the company Christmas party. Or if you’re like me, lie and say you’ll be out of town (technically, I will be out of town that day…I’ll just be back in time for the party, but they don’t need to know that!) Or if you’re one of those lucky people who likes their coworkers then go to the party and follow my first tip.

Fourth: Temporarily become bulimic. Who has time to workout during the three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Plus, what kind of person are you if you actually stick to your diet…no friend of mine that’s for sure. So I say just throw up in between meals. What?! It’s only temporary!

That’s all I’ve got. I could really use some more tips though so that I don’t lose my sanity – How do you keep your marbles intact?

21 comments:

little miss optimist said...

Haha, I loved this post! So true about drinking lots, and temporary bulimia! I've been packing on pounds already and I'm a little stressed since I worked hard these past 3 months to lose 20 lbs, and holiday season just tends to inevitably fatten people up!

notsojenny said...

those MSN articles always sound so fantastic but always turn out to be a waste of reading.
the way i avoid stress at the holidays is to completely ignore that it's that time of year. yah, it creates a very stressful couple of days just before christmas when i have to get EVERYTHING done, but i prefer those few days over 2 long slow months of stress.

Anna said...

This time of year is always stressful for me, but I've learned to just deal with it...in fact I've come to terms with it. The hustle and bustle of the season is always wroth it in the end.

Bayjb said...

Wow those guys are smart. Personally, I do number 1,2 frequently. And I go on mini solo field trips to keep me from going bat-shit crazy.

Alexa said...

ok you're funny. i could use a #4 around the holidays. too bad i hate puking :/

Andy said...

Oh, and instead of eating, keep drinking.

Pam said...

Number 1 REALLY helped me 2 years ago when it came time to open my aunt's gift at my family Christmas party. It was a one-size-fits-all unisex night shirt with big cartoon puppies all over it. In big red curly letters it said "Ruff Night" across the front. So hot.

After a couple glasses of wine, I think I deserved an Oscar for my acceptance speech.

It was a kind gesture though, don't get me wrong. I really appreciated the thought.

jo ann. said...

Me too!! I'm on a mission to find an affordable version!

jo ann. said...

(oh, and that was about the lace dress... hehe)

stoogepie said...

These are great tips for avoiding stress during the holidays. I would suggest a lot more, but you said they must be legal. Still, here are a couple of suggestions for keeping stress at bay.

First, if you go shopping on any of the big holiday shopping days, bring mace. It makes the entire experience more pleasant.

Second, eat in threes. Three servings of turkey. Three slices of ham. Three scoops of ice cream. Three slices of pie. This will help with portion control.

Third, don't even think of exercising before February. You're just too busy. Between now and January is holiday crunch time. It's like festive finals and you will pull more than one all-nighter. After the New Year, you have an enormous break with no good holidays whatsoever for months and months. You can become good friends with the treadmill then.

Please live-blog your holidays for us. And have a happy turkey day.

Rachie said...

I think I can follow all of your hits and I plan on doing so. The drinking will start at my friends Holiday party and will continue on past New Years. I will hit my hubby because it really doesn't hurt him. I have already called in sick one day this holiday season because I just needed a breather. Already. Becoming bulimic? I will try but I have practically no gag reflex so it might not work out. Happy Holidays!

Jessica said...

Haha, this was cute! Those MSN articles are always stupid, I always get so excited thinking I'm going to unlock the secret to life..and I'm always disappointed. Boo.

dmb5_libra said...

i have no extra tips. you pretty much covered it with tip number one :)

have a happy turkey day!!

Elizabeth said...

Oh...the drinking will be necessary. My uncle is an alcoholic, so the drinks will have to be snuck (a word?) in. Have a good Thanksgiving!

wontletlifedefineme said...

Plan your own Christmas party and tell everyone else this is how you're doing it, and if they don't agree, it's their problem. You only invite the people you like, ask everyone to bring something (food, drinks, films, whatever) and ask everyone to help clean up after the party. It works really well!

Jay said...

Is it still a favorable tactic to get drunk and hit someone at my company Christmas party?

emmysuh. said...

You only dislike potlucks because you've never been to a Southern Methodist potluck. I grew up on them and the vast array of cassroles and friend chicken.

Drinking is ALWAYS a stress-reducer! But I'm glad I have your support in my holiday drinking.

Kristen said...

HOLY GOD am I relieved!

I came here the other day and it said you deleted your blog???

That was causing me all sorts of stress!!!!

I'm glad you're still here.

Totally weird.

surviving myself said...

Those are the best tips I've ever read. Well done.

Matt said...

It's no secret...

I drink to take the pain away.

Kate said...

I try to ignore the holiday altogether. That's what (doesn't) work for me.