As the title not so cleverly points out things are not going so well for me. Specifically in the football arena. I’ve already pointed out that my fantasy football quarterback was Tom Brady and we all know what happened there. Then this weekend I unwittingly left a couple players on my roster who were Houston players – Damn Hurricane Ike! I blame my suckiness all on Ike NOT on my laziness, which caused me to not update my team. It’s Ike’s fault I tell you. Or Spencer’s. In fact, let’s go with Spencer because I hate him with the passion of a thousand suns and the fug girls are right when they say, “Blame Spencer.”
Secondly, my beloved Washington State Cougars are embarrassing themselves. Last week they lost to California to the tune of 66 – 3. Not pretty. I can’t even bring myself to watch, which has caused some people to accuse me of not being a true Coug to which I reply, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Do you want me to sing the fight song at the top of my lungs right now?! Do you?! Because I will. Don’t doubt that. And, yes, that is a threat. Nobody wants to hear me sing.”
Thirdly, there are the Seahawks. We got our asses handed to us last week, but this week I blame our loss to the 49er’s on stupid NFL rules. I HATE the way NFL overtime works – it basically all comes down to luck of the draw. If they had called heads I am sure we would have won. Obviously somebody has it out for me and by somebody I mean GOD. So God, please, I really need at least one of my teams to do well. Is that asking too much of you?! Is it?! Of course not. While you’re at it I think I’m going to buy a lottery ticket later so if you could email me the winning numbers I would reaallllyyy appreciate it.
On a completely unrelated note here is my poll for today: Since today is my big sister’s birthday should I A. take her out to dinner and a movie (I was thinking the dollar menu at Mickey D’s and Tyler Perry’s new flick), B. take her shopping at H&M and be loud and obnoxious and force her to try on the most ridiculous outfits I can find, or C. offer to babysit her two little boys and teach the oldest to say naughty things (feel free to suggest naughty sayings that would be funny to hear a three year old boy say).
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8 comments:
I vote H&M. What's a better way to celebrate than cheap clothes and a potential knifing incident? You can't beat that!
Your fantasy football team should include a couple Steelers. Does it??
And, as for your sister's birthday. I say do either A or C!
I vote babysitting and corruption! Nothing beats hearing innocent kids spill the beans about anything.
Do you like your sister? Why would you subject her to a Tyler Perry movie? Is this a symptom of the meltdown suffered by incredible football disappointment? Get help immediately.
And as for naughty things, we taught my friend's three year old to say, "Wanna come back to my crib?" to pretty women in the grocery store. My friend was not amused.
I taught Sam to say "Put it on my tab" when someone asks him for a kiss. It's amazing.
Stealthnerd - Excellent point. The knifing will be an exciting bonus.
Angela - It doesn't have any steelers...I should probably get over my hate for them huh?
Thespottedottoman - I'm going to start making a list of things to teach them for next time I babysit!
Dingo - That is hi-Larious. I'll have the three year old say that and have the one year old follow it up by yelling, "HOT!"
Tits - You're a genius. Put it on my tab. I'm soooo stealing it.
I blame Ike for your crappy train-wreck of a fantasy football team, too. We should plot our revenge against the weather. You come up with a plan and I will back you 100%. We will teach the weather a lesson it will never forget.
The weather is responsible for the Washington State Cougars epic fail as well. But our revenge will be sweet.
Haven't you heard? God does not grant any requests related to sports or the lottery. Batman now handles those two departments.
Definitely the babysitting gift! Three things all three-year-olds should say in public often: (1) "Should I still be watching for the po po?" (2) "Can I have regular candy instead of nose candy this time?" (3) "Don't think I won't tell the social worker about all of this."
You're a Seahawks fan and I'm a Steelers fan. Can we possibly still remain friends?
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