I used to balk at the assumption of many that girls hold grudges. The Meganator would come out in full force and demand people stop making such horrible generalizations and then fiercely point out that I do not, in fact, hold grudges.
Unfortunately, I had an epiphany this morning and realized that I do hold grudges. I will never be friends again with that one girl who tried to get me fired at my last job. Sure, maybe she didn’t realize that by telling that lie about me it was bad enough to do more than just get me in trouble, but I will not forgive that.
I will never be friends with that one girl who gave my ex boyfriend a blow job. Sure he was an asshole and I shouldn’t have been with him in the first place, but I will hold that grudge against her to my grave. But these are not what caused the epiphany…I guess that is probably apparent since they are in the distant past. No, it was my fantasy football team that made me realize it.
I hold serious grudges against players who don’t play well for me. Two years ago Randy Moss was on my team when he was still an Oakland Raider and he was HORRIBLE. No matter how many times you try to explain to me that he was not the horrible one, but, instead, his quarterback was horrible I won’t listen. I will plug my ears and start singing Like A Virgin at the top of my lungs so it would actually be in your best interest to not try to talk any sense into me. If Randy Moss ever in some sort of freak accident ends up on my fantasy football team he will be traded before you can say, “It’s almost like you enjoy losing.”
I was trying to figure out what quarterback I would pick up to replace Tom Brady who screwed me over by getting himself hurt in the first quarter of the first game of the season (Thanks a lot Brady!) and one of my options was Marc Bulger. Well, let me tell you, I will never ever have him on a team again, not after last year when he was also injured early on in the season.
As a result of this treatment, that some have called harsh, I dropped my tight end today. He only scored me one point this weekend. Yes, maybe it wasn’t the smartest move to drop Chris Cooley – it might have just been a bad day for him, but, honestly, I don’t care if he kicks ass the rest of the season I will NOT regret dropping him. I just want all my players to know that if you don’t perform like I expect you to then you are GONE. Gone. You’ve been warned Jake Delhomme - that’s how I roll.