The Death of Domino

I know I am not the first person to say this, but I am quite upset about the demise of Domino. It is pretty much the only design magazine that I enjoy reading. It is original and actually has stuff in it that I feel pertain to me as opposed to Richie Rich who has millions of dollars to spend willy nilly.

I have been reading other design mags in an effort to find a worthy replacement and I have several complaints with them. First of all, what’s with all the fruit? One of the suggestions I noticed was to jazz up your mantel by putting a bowl of lemons on it and scattering more lemons around it. I asked my coworker how long lemons last and she said two weeks. Two weeks. I’m not one to waste food so for me to make it worth while to have a mantel covered in lemons I would have to make a lemony dish every day. Do people really have fresh fruit everywhere in their house like these magazines purport?

Same with fresh flowers? Who can afford to constantly buy fresh flowers? I can somewhat understand in the summer when you can go to a farmer’s market and get a bouquet for $5, but even then I’m not going to buy a bouquet for every damn surface in the house and yet in these magazines there is always a vase full of flowers on every flipping table.

I also feel the need to share with you a few other “suggestions” that were absolutely beyond the realm of ridiculous so everybody can share in my indignation. First, there was the $5,000 sculpture that would be perfect for your library. Yes, your library. Oh, you don’t have one? That’s odd because I thought everybody did.

Second, there was the suggestion to add a little color to your kitchen by buying a red kitchen aid mixer, even if you don’t bake it’ll still provide a bright spot in the kitchen and perk up your mood! For the person out there who is buying a kitchen aid mixer just to look at could you pretty please pay for my tuition instead? I promise it’ll go to better use than spending hundreds of dollars on something you’ll never use when instead you could just buy a pretty bowl at Ikea and fill it with oranges. Just shoot me an email and I’ll let you know the amount. You could even send it right to my university so you know it’s not being spent on shoes and booze. Thanks!

How I Got My Kitchen Aid Mixer

I have to say my mom is pretty cool and I’m not just saying that because I am pretty much an exact replication of my mom. I say it because she makes horrible bets and as a result I’ve gotten a lot of free stuff.

I’m not the only she makes bets with; in fact I’m pretty sure that it is her favorite pastime. For example, when I was away at college and my younger brother was still at home for some unknown reason they got into a discussion about how many times I had braces growing up: little bro said twice and my mom said, “Only once, are you kidding me?! I think I would remember shelling out that kind of dough!” Of course, a bet had to be made as to who was right and I was promptly called and asked the question. No “How are you?” “How’s college treating you?” Just, “How many times did you have braces?” Not even a goodbye. Anyway, the answer was twice. Yes, I had terrible terrible teeth. So my brother got new bedding while my mom went to the orthodontist and demanded that after all the money they’ve received from our family there should at least be a chair in the lobby dedicated to our family.

Two years ago I went on vacation with her to the Oregon coast and did not buy one thing for myself. Every game of cribbage or cards played was with the caveat that loser pays for breakfast or loser pays for coffee etc. etc. Like I said I received a LOT of free meals.

But by far the best bet I made was, alas, my last because my dad finally told her she had to stop because he was tired of buying all this free stuff for me…that and I almost had her hooked for a free computer twenty minutes later and he just couldn’t let that happen.

It occurred right after I moved into my Green Lake apartment and was whining constantly about how I didn’t have a kitchen aid mixer. I mean, how was I supposed to bake cookies?! How does one LIVE without a kitchen aid mixer?! My live was incomplete without one! I couldn’t sleep at night!

So, anyway, one day my parents, big sis, and nephew joined me on a walk around the lake and lunch at a local restaurant. At lunch my mom ordered calamari and when it came my sister, mom, and I dug into the rings but only my dad would eat the squid. I, by far, was the most grossed out by the squid with their little heads and would look at my dad in pure disgust every time he nonchalantly popped one in his mouth. My mom, of course, was curious as to what my price would be - as in just how much would it take to get me to eat one of those things. The perfect situation for a bet. At first it was hypothetical with my mom simply asking, “If you were to get a free yellow kitchen aid mixer would you eat the calamari?” Of course, I replied saying there was no way for me to know without the offer actually being on the table and, well, her curiosity got the better of her and a concrete offer was made. It did take me a good forty-five minutes to grow a pair and eat the damn squid and we had to tell the waitress multiple times do NOT take the plate away. I really have my sister to thank for finally saying to me, “Just eat it for the love of all things holy! It’s a free kitchen aid mixer! I can’t even look at you right now. You disgust me.” It was just the push I needed. A week later my parents showed up at my apartment with a kitchen aid mixer wrapped in squid recipes.