Trying to be a runner

I’ve been running regularly for over a year now and have seen a lot of improvement in my speed and form and yet I still don’t feel like I belong to the “runner’s club”. I read other running blogs and runners world forums and feel pathetic that I have yet to run even a half-marathon.

Of course, I know this shouldn’t bother me at all because everybody has to start somewhere. Regardless, when I see other runners out on my run I always feel my pace speed up a little as I try to prove myself.

I went on two runs this past weekend in an attempt to burn off the Thanksgiving calories and they were difficult, painful runs. It was quite possibly the amount of booze I drank on Thursday or the biting wind, but by the last mile of my nine mile run on Friday I was barely able to walk.

And (I warn you – this might be TMI) it was also difficult to run because there was a distinct possibility that I might shit my pants. I know I am not the only one that has this problem on long runs and the best advice I have found on runners’ forums is “Run near toilets”. Great. Advice.

Anyway, as I was walking up the hill toward my car a girl was running towards me with a runner’s belt, skinny runner’s body, and judging eyes. Yes, Judging Eyes. Because I was walking. It took all my willpower not to yell, “It’s because I don’t want to shit my pants! Lay Off Lady!” Yeah, take that.

I'm Thankful for Wine

I rarely use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about what I’m thankful for. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to eat a helluva lot of food and sit in front of the TV all day and while this year really isn’t that much different, as in I’m still going to eat a lot, there were reminders about why I am thankful for many things in my life.

First, I was reading Postsecret on Monday and there was one secret that stood out to me:

It made me so grateful that I have such a great support system around me - a great family, friends, and fiancé. I just can’t imagine going through life all by myself.

Then yesterday on my way to the gym after work I was listening to an NPR story about soldiers coming home and how a family whose son had died was at the homecoming anyways as some sort of closure and they were sobbing. So I was sobbing, of course. I got some weird looks when I got to the gym from my body pump instructor who said hi to me and then quickly walked away because it was so painfully obvious that I had been crying. It was Awkward and if it hadn’t been Thanksgiving week I would have skipped.

But, seriously, I am so blessed with my wonderful parents, my bossy big sister (I’ve grown to love the bossiness about her…especially as she takes over wedding planning) and her family, and my amazing fiancé.

Also, I’m thankful for my ability to walk forever in heels. I think I was born to wear heels. Thank god because it makes up for my short legs, which I am NOT thankful for. Although, I am thankful I can run on them.

Ok…I’ll stop now. What are YOU thankful for? Mashed potatoes? Booze? Larry David?

Hooker Boots

So I really like the idea of thigh-high boots, but, at the same time, am unsure how you pull them off without looking like a hooker ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I suspect that they only way to wear them is over leggings or skinny jeans. Neither of which I wear because I feel like they only look good on girls who are a size 2. Although…I’ve been tempted to get some leggings lately, but I would always wear them with a dress (as if that somehow makes it ok).

I think in the pics below that Hayden Panettiere and Cameron Diaz really pull them off, but is it just because they’re hot celebs?! Or can a nobody pull them off? If so, how?

And, it has to be said, they look incredibly difficult to get on and off so would I end up wearing them constantly? To bed? In the shower? Not to mention, what if they’re so tight they cut off circulation to my legs? So, what are your thoughts on thigh-highs?

Dreamboats

I was going to write today about gift guides and recycle the age old topic of how utterly difficult my dad is to shop for, but luckily I came across this article that lists literary characters the author would get down and dirty with, which is waaaayyy more interesting than Christmas shopping.

Of course there are a few on the list I disagree with. Specifically - Carlisle Cullen? Puh-lease. If I were to sleep with any character from Twilight it would be Jacob. Who in their right mind would choose Carlisle over Jacob?! And, for that matter, who would choose Edward over Jacob?! You’re a nutjob if you’d pick Edward. I’m sorry if that seems harsh but those are the facts.

However, I wholeheartedly agree with Gilbert Blythe. Oh, how I love him. Nummy. I’m drooling just thinking about it…Rhett Butler is another one. I just think he has to be a-mazing in bed. I can’t believe how stupid Scarlet was to not figure it out. Once again, who in their right mind would pick Ashley Wilkes over Rhett Butler?! SCARLET! I wish I could slap her silly.

I also have one character I would like to add – Laurie from Little Women. I was devastated when he didn’t marry Jo because Jo is a stupid stupid lady (I was going to say bitch, but I don’t hate her that much no matter how hard I try) and married Amy instead. Obviously, Jo didn’t deserve him because she didn’t know what she had and Amy didn’t deserve him because she was a little snot. I might be biased thanks to the fact that he was played by Christian Bale in the movie, but I really did love him in the book. In fact, I refused to finish the book the first time I read it when I realized that Jo wasn’t going to end up with him. Jesus, I’m getting myself all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

So what literary character are you dying to bump uglies with?

Pineapple Police

I participated in the Pineapple Classic this weekend for the second year in a row. I was on a team with my friend, Linda; the Sandy Bee-yotches. I know, we’re dorks. It’s a fun race – it’s a 5K obstacle course. There are walls to climb over, tubes to crawl through, and nets to climb across. Needless to say you end the race covered in mud.

Well, this year I was lucky enough to have an asshole following me throughout the course. First, there was the wall that had no footholes and was so tall that even with a running leap I still couldn’t touch the top. As I tried to do a running leap and failed I shrugged and turned to walk around and saw AH give me a distinctly dirty look. I tried to shrug it off thinking I had just imagined it.

Next were the dreaded monkey bars. I didn’t even attempt these last year. It still boggles my mind that I could do this at any point in my life. This year though I at least tried it. It took me three tries to even grab a hold of the stupid bars (in case you haven’t figured it out yet I’m a tad bit shorter than your average female). When I finally did get a grip on them my hand immediately slipped off and I consider myself lucky that I didn’t fall flat on my back in the middle of a mud puddle. So I said, “Screw it!” As AH behind me said, “What you’re not even going to attempt it?!” I answered with the same dirty look he gave me earlier.

So throughout this race every team has to carry a pineapple with them and every time we got to an obstacle Linda would stick it down her pants to free up her hands. And, yes, it was as funny as it sounds. At the second wall as Linda stuffed it down her pants I told her that she didn’t have to stretch her pants out this time she should just throw the pineapple over the wall and pick it up on the other side. AH interjected here and informed us that you are NOT ALLOWED to let the pineapple touch the ground EVER. I told him there was no need to worry we’d already been disqualified multiple times so SUCK IT. I didn’t actually say suck it out loud because I have no balls.

Next was the net that we had to climb up and over. I watched as Linda climbed up it with a pineapple stuffed down her pants and when she had climbed over the top I started climbing up it. When I got to the top I swung my leg up and over only to hear AH yell, “Thanks for not kicking me in the face!” Shouldn’t he have been farther down the net knowing that I was going to have to move my leg that way to climb over the top?!

So…yeah…that’s my rant about AH at the Pineapple Classic. I really did have fun on it and will do it again next year. But seriously it’s supposed to be a fun and crazy race – people running it shouldn’t appoint themselves the Pineapple police, instead, they should be encouraging everyone else. Like the people at the second wall who cheered for me when I made it over because I still had to stretch like crazy to reach the top despite the footholds.

Happy Veterans Day

My grandparents recently moved from their cute house in Ballard where they had lived since my mom was in high school to a retirement complex. At first they had resisted the idea of it, but once they had visited the place a couple times they decided that they would be crazy not to move there.

Now that they’re there they fit right in and love it. My grandpa plays in a band that has gigs at various parties around the complex and my grandma goes to cooking classes and is routinely stopped by random people and asked if she is the violinist’s wife.

Anyway, I’m telling you all about this because every Veterans Day I think about my grandpa and how grateful I am for him fighting in WWII. To say he is proud of being a member of the Marines Corp would be a drastic understatement. So at this retirement place they have a little entryway which they can decorate and here is my grandparents:

So, yeah, he’s proud to be a marine. As he should be.

Slightly Crazy

I always joke that I have a slightly obsessive compulsive personality. I don’t mean that I have to check 7 times if I turned the oven off or that I compulsively wash my hands, but that I am a complete slave to my routine. Sometimes I think that my routine is all that is keeping me sane. I can be so engrossed in my routine that it interferes with my life. For example, around midterms and finals I will get super stressed about not having enough time to study or write papers, but instead of asking for help from Chuckles in doing my laundry or grocery shopping or cooking dinner I will insist on doing it all myself. Because how could I possibly get through a Friday morning without going to the grocery store? Or you can’t seriously think I would let somebody else touch my dirty clothes? The thought alone makes me start hyperventilating.

It’s not just my routine, but I always need my CD’s and shoes to be arranged in a certain order and if somebody even thinks about changing it I will Flip. The Fuck. Out. Anyway, I wasn’t planning on boring you with ALL of my neuroses today…The fact is that my routine has been thrown into a complete tailspin this past week and it is ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. While writing about Enron the only thing going through my mind is “I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner tomorrow night” and next thing you know I’ve written that exact sentence down right in the middle of a paragraph about auditing legislation. It takes me approximately a minute to get out of my chair because I’m concentrating on the fact that I can’t, at the moment, do laundry at my house.

The reason for all the changes is GOOD, but I can’t seem to get past the change itself. We are having our kitchen and utility room floor retiled and getting a new stove and Chuckles is repainting those rooms. Good things right?! Especially the stove because I have been known to complain about our lack of a vent.

My complete reliance on routine could quite possibly be the most annoying thing about me. I definitely hate that I can be so inflexible about how things have to be done. I guess I hope that by writing this out I can see how utterly silly I’m being. Does anybody else rely on their daily routines to a fault and, if not, how do you live?!