Monday, April 27, 2009

Camping is for losers

Instead of being a lame ass this past weekend I actually went out with friends Saturday night for drinks. Somehow (God only knows how) the conversation got around to this awesome breakfast place in Marysville. After we had been discussing it for a few minutes Tits McGee turned to me and said, “Wait a minute, didn’t you throw up there?” To which I replied, “Of course – what restaurant haven’t I thrown up in?” No, no, not really…there’s still a few I need to leave my mark on. Tits McGee followed that up with another stellar question: “Why were you throwing up anyways?” At this point I had to ask, “Has it been that long since we’ve hung out? BOOZE, of course. What else could it possibly be?!”


Anyway, the point of this is it lead to a round of nostalgia as to why I will never EVER go camping EVER AGAIN. NEVER. I used to go camping every year with my friends on an Annual Camping Trip dubbed the ACT (we’re very witty people) and I think like most twenty somethings this was really just an excuse to get good and wasted for a whole weekend.


One particular weekend we didn’t have enough tents for everyone so I, extremely wasted at the time, offered to sleep outside. I think I had some romantic notion that it would be nice to sleep under the stars. I was sooo na├»ve.


The problem with sleeping outside in the oh so wonderful Pacific Northwest is that it rains occasionally, but, no worries, because we had erected a blue tarp to protect us from the dreaded drizzle.


However, we were not prepared for when it rained so hard a puddle formed in the middle of the tarp forcing it to collapse and bring down a bucketful of rain water on my head at 3 o’crotch in the morning. I assure you not the best way to wake a girl with a hangover and at this point I thought to myself, “I don’t fucking give a shit if there’s no room in the goddamn tent they are MAKING room for me.” So I barged in there waking everyone up and pushed everybody over so I could sleep and promptly lay down in a puddle. IN A PUDDLE! A freakin’ puddle had formed on the side of the tent and I flippin’ went for a swim in it.


That was the point at which I stood up and let loose a stream of swear words and sat in the back of Tits McGee’s car until we left to get a greasy breakfast at the restaurant that I threw up in. That, my friends, is why I will NEVER go camping again. NEVER.

23 comments:

Losing It said...

See, I wouldn't have gone camping based solely on that whole "outside" thing.

Angela said...

=(

That just means you need more tents next time.

DON'T GIVE UP ON CAMPING!

Bayjb said...

Gosh I hate camping. I'm too much of a city girl for it. Sad, I know.

Andy said...

What about bugs? Ew.

Elizabeth said...

Camping sucks anyway, so I've only been a couple times, and one was in an RV. It's too hot here, even in December usually. Having that happen to me would pretty much destroy any will I had left for camping though.

Heather said...

Wow. I just kind of hate sleeping in a tent because it's NEVER comfortable (cold at night/Blazing hot in the morning. and you're on the ground. what?!). But this is a MUCH muuuch better reason to hate camping. Being from the desert (i.e. RAIN?? nooo....), I support this 110%!

Matt said...

Camping is the most overrated experience ever.

and I mean EVER.

Kristen said...

I do not camp. It's yucky and I hate to be dirty and uncomfortable and smelling like fire.

There isn't even a word that exists to describe how much I hate camping.

notsojenny said...

HAHAHA

camping sucks!
i won't even put into print what happened last time i went camping... i'll just agree that it SUCKS!

Dingo said...

Ohh! I like camping. By "camping" you mean a luxury log cabin built by the Pacific Northwest lumber barons, right?

shine said...

I love to camp. But maybe you should check those tents for holes...or something.

Sleeping outside is only a good idea if there are no mosquitoes. Just an FYI...mosquito bites on your lady parts are NOT fun. And those little bastards can get anywhere.

stealthnerd said...

Yeahp, that would've wrecked it for me too!

amindinmotown said...

I loathe camping. I'm not an outdoors girl...at all. And I hate being cold. I hate woodland animals. Camping's just not for me. I've tried, several times, and no dice.

Jane said...

I tell people that I am allergic to camping. What? It makes me feel itchy and cold and grumpy, so I might as well be allergic. As Jim Gaffigan pointed out, you burn a perfectly good vacation day to sleep *on the ground*.

I agree 100%.

Kelly said...

I wouldn't go camping again either! That would totally make me cry...

stoogepie said...

Homeless people get to camp every night and I imagine that folks who love camping look at them and say, "Wow! That looks like fun!" People who like camping should buy into the whole package and try panhandling, too.

The Peach Tart said...

I hate camping too. I gave it up years ago. The ground's too hard for my ass.

Jay Ferris said...

Did you mean that you'd never go camping again, or that you'd never be blogging again?

Jo said...

Eek! Well, as you rest up in the comforts of home, feel free to play along:

I tagged you! Check out my post: "I've been tagged! [My Heart]"

Losing It said...

I miss you. Are you coming back any time soon?

Jay Ferris said...

You know what's also for losers? Not blogging!

Jay Ferris said...

Unless, you know, something traumatic and awful happened, in which case take your time, and I was kidding about that whole "loser" thing.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

wow, yeah that sounds miserable.