I will miss all of you

I think I’m dying. There is something very wrong with me. I am always hungry. ALWAYS. I swear I’ve heard of a disease where the person never feels full and it gets to the point where the refrigerator and pantry has to be locked and the key hidden so they don’t overeat themselves to death. In fact, now that I think about it, the one and only CSI show I ever saw was about a guy who had to be chained to his chair or he would overeat.

I would have appreciated it if somebody had tied me to my chair yesterday. The problem stems from the fact that I am trying really hard to be healthy. This is very difficult for me because in the past I have been extremely unhealthy – we’re talking a donut for breakfast every day, multiple mochas a day, multiple sodas a day, a bag of pretzels, pasta drowned in butter and cheese for dinner.

I was on a fast track to becoming the mom in the movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and I really don’t want my kids to be embarrassed by my weight – I want them to be embarrassed by my inappropriate comments and the fact that I’m always drunk when their friends come over.

Obviously, it was time for me to make some changes to my diet, but you can see how big of a change this would be for me. I started by cutting down on the mochas and soda. Now I am trying to cut down on the amount of snacks I eat.

The problem is that every day an hour before my lunch break I get sooo hungry. So normally I break out the snackie snacks and start chowing down, but yesterday I brought yogurt to work or as my nephew likes to call it GOGURT! GOGURT! GOGURT! The kid likes his yogurt. I wish I could be as passionate about something that wasn’t butter or bacon.

The point is I tried having a pre lunch snack of yogurt yesterday and it made me more hungry. Then all I could think about was the sandwich waiting for me in my purse. That delicious wonderful sandwich that I wasn’t supposed to eat for another hour. Of course I ate it. Like you had to ask. BUT I only ate half of it and left the remainder on my desk to taunt me. And yet I was still hungry.

At this point I started to panic because the slimfast shake I had brought as dinner on the go for class was sounding awfully tempting, but then what would I have to eat for dinner! Nothing. That’s what. I couldn’t spend another three hours in a boring class on the verge of passing out for lack of food. My solution to this quandary? A lunch of pasta drowned in butter and cheese after which I was still hungry. This is why I believe I am dying. It was really nice knowing all of you.