U.S.A.!

Saturday morning I got up early to meet a few friends for a delicious greasy breakfast. One of my friends, Mikey, had some very exciting news for us – he is becoming an American citizen! Finally, after living here for years he has decided that he will grace the good ole U.S. of A. with his tax revenue.

Of course, this is very exciting, but before Andrea and I could give our approval we had to find out who he planned to vote for in his very first presidential election. Andrea and I our staunch liberals and we couldn’t allow another McCain crazy out on the streets!

Sure, I know what you’re thinking: Could I really stop him from registering to vote. And the answer is of course, don’t be stupid. As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me is at the news of Mike’s new citizenship we had to find out who he was planning on voting for. His answer? “Palin, of course! I vote for BOOBIES!”

We tried to reason with him. Believe me, we did, but we obviously made the bad decision of trying to talk to him at breakfast because he was much too distracted by his hash browns. All he would say over and over is, “Why wouldn’t I vote for boobies? What other issue could possibly trump boobies?”

We just shook our heads and pointed out to him that Sarah probably didn’t even WANT him to be a citizen – she’d probably take his citizenship back if she could and ship him over to Russia. He really didn’t have a problem with that. We pointed out that she was probably angry with him for taking American’s jobs. Once again he said whatever…BOOBIES!

But I’ve had a couple days to think about it and I think this conversation is proof that he will make a very good American and who am I to try and stop that by kidnapping him and holding him hostage until it’s too late for him to register? Plus, I am really looking forward to the U.S.A! U.S.A.! party to celebrate his citizenship where we will get to dress up as our favorite American stereotypes and eat lots of really greasy and fatty foods.